Coping with survivorship

I'm writing this as I am sitting at urgent care, waiting for the results of an X-ray on my knee. On October 9th I volunteered to work at the Chicago Marathon, mostly because I was hoping that it would motivate me to take my running more seriously, so I can run a marathon next year.  

My shift started at 4:30am. It was interesting walking around Grant Park in the pitch black. But that's not when I fell. I fell at the end of my shift, walking back to my car. I tripped over a big crack in the sidewalk. And I fell HARD. And I wasn't using my phone while I was walking. I landed on both knees and one wrist. I was in a good deal of pain the following day, but I stayed off it, iced it and took ibuprofen. It was starting to feel better.

This past weekend it started to hurt again. So after almost a week of dealing with the pain, I decided to go ahead and have it X-rayed. After all, I've met my out of pocket maximum, so why not take advantage now. 

Which leads me to tonight. I was at a mindfullness class at The Wellness House (more about that in another post) in Hinsdale, so I decided to head over to the urgent care around the corner. I really didn't consider that this was the first place I heard that I might have ovarian cancer. Talk about a trigger. It's been all I could manage to not burst into tears while I was in the exam room. To make matters worse, it was the same ER doc who I saw here in December. But at least they didn't put me in the same exam room. 

My oncology social worker said that I was suffering from PTSD. I really didn't think it was possible. But after tonight's "adventure," there is no doubt in my mind that I do.